Sometimes "home" is two places......
no matter how far away you are,
and how long you've been gone.

Today is one of those "sometimes".....

Sometimes you wake up and the light hits you in the eyes..... and its a wonderful, warm feeling.
Sometimes you wake up and the light hits you in the eyes..... and its so bright you want to poke them out.

Sometimes too much of something is a great opportunity to save.
Sometimes too much of something is inconvenient and frustrating.

Sometimes time alone is peaceful and rejuvenating.
Sometimes time alone is painful and lonely.

Sometimes being in love is effortless and fulfilling.
Sometimes being in love is confusing and terrifying.

Sometimes the one you love loves you right back.
Sometimes the one you love doesn't come back.

Sometimes you're beautiful in the mirror.
Sometimes your mirror seems broken and non-reflective.

Sometimes the world is yours and there's nothing you can't do.
Sometimes the world turns on you and there's nothing you can do.

Sometimes you can laugh about it.
Sometimes you can cry about it.

Sometimes you feel.
Sometimes you're numb.

"Sometimes" is all the time, and its up to you.

Voyage of the swans
"Olaf Niess ships his swans across Alster River in Hamburg, Germany. Every Autumn he catches his swans, places them in boats and brings them to their winter quarters in a nearby pond which stays ice-free during the winter."

Hey Mom.....
do you know Olaf? Just thought you might be friends,
or separated at birth....

THE DAY AFTER........

So.... everyone survived. They ate the food I prepared, without complaining or making odd faces. No one seemed to get sick (that I know of), and no one had to use a plastic fork or a paper plate for dinner, so that was nice. I would not have made it through the day without Uncle Frank, so thank you Mr. Frank for your advice, and making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry in the yams. And thank you to Mom and Uncle Frank & Muncie for all the years you have made me Thanksgiving dinner... I had NO idea! thank you again.

Looking at it with a new day this morning, I don't know what I was so nervous about. Maybe just because I'd never done any of that before, and it wasn't my family. If it had been, they would have known I've never done that before and if it did all turn out really badly, we could just laugh.... versus leaving someone else's family without a thanksgiving dinner to eat. I realize I put a lot of the pressure on myself, the panic sort of set in and my mind went into every nightmare scenario it could have. I'm just not the domestic type, never have been, so I had no idea how this was going to go.

My only regret is that I don't have enough turkey left over (which meant it was good...) to go home tonight, lay on the couch and watch a movie with a big turkey sandwich..... that would have been nice. And I no longer have the "I've never done thanksgiving dinner before" excuse, so I have a feeling this will be the beginning of years in the kitchen instead of curled up by Muncie & Frank's fireplace in the softie. I somehow feel older today, like I have crossed over.... some right of passage .... and anyone rolling their eyes right now and thinking I am being too dramatic clearly has NEVER single-handedly made a thanksgiving dinner.

Happy turkey sandwiches,
-Cyn

I'm Thankful.......

for John, and for finding him at the right time in my life

for gravy from a jar

for my Dad, and the things he's taught me

for ready-made mashed potatoes

for my doctor

for the Fuzzy One

for my big TV

for John ( did I say that already?)

for dishwashers

for my car

for my job

for being included in someone else's family

for our apartment

for Muncie & Frank

for Dunkin Donuts

for Chicago

for John's laugh, and sense of humor

for Sundays with nothing to do

for my sister, and how we laugh at things only the two of us get

for waking up every night at midnight

for Diet Coke

for my Mom being one of my best friends

for writing

for learning how to make a turkey

for having 9 forks

for a heated garage parking spot

for Pentwater, and the friends I made there

for John's conversation

for 24 hour grocery stores

for having two extra parents that love me

for a washer & dryer

for books & movies

for holding hands

for cards and notes

for knowing how fortunate I am, and being grateful for every little thing

and for knowing something that 299,999,998 people don't know

Just to name a few.......

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !

I miss my famliy. Thanksgiving isn't about turkey, or gravy, or what you put in the stuffing, or what kind of pies you have.... its about who is sitting in that same room with you. So Mom, Pokey, Bek, Brynnie, Muncie & Mr. Frank, I miss you all today. I hope you have a great thanksgiving, and somebody eat a few sticky buns for me!!

299,999,998 people have no idea....

......I'm so glad I do.

Nothing to say . . . . . .

I am at an impasse... I feel as though I no longer know how to write, or what to write. It frustrates me beyond belief, and I feel like a lesser version of myself, and that I can never be who I want to be. I try to think of what may be the problem... and what's stopping or blocking me, but nothing. I can't even write about that, which is usually how I pull myself out.

I get in my own way so often in my life. In relationships, at work, creatively, whatever it may be, I find that 95% of the time I am my own obstacle. I wish I knew how to get around myself. Maybe its lack of interest.... when there is no one looking forward to reading what you write, why write? Maybe its boredom with my own style, or insecurity in it, feeling as though nothing I have to say is worth a damn.... or maybe its just knowing that no one will get it, so why put it out there?

whatever it is.... I wish there was a vaccine for it.

Some Friendships don't need a caption.......

Congratulations to the Democrats hanging on Illinois......

I woke up with a sigh of relief that I don't have to move again.

My thanks to everyone that voted..... It always startles me how someone can neglect their right to vote and yet launch political complaints like its a part time job. I have always said that if the simple right to vote isn't enough to motivate you, then think of it as a right to complain... you'd be surprised how many people will get off the couch so they can rant freely.

It saddens me how few young Americans (well, maybe I can't refer to my peers as "young" anymore, but my generation and younger nonetheless) truly grasp the significance behind a democracy, and that it takes everyone's involvement to really work the way its intended. Therefore if you neglect your small part you're compromising the entire idea. You are awarded a privilege most people on this planet will never enjoy, so use it when you can. And if you do make the conscious choice not to utilize it, then do so quietly as you have given up your place to respond if you have taken no action.

So..... it was a good day for the big "D" in Illinois, and Michigan - Go Granholm, you defeated the Michigan Machine... that's a victory all in itself.

Have a great day.
-Cyn

I've heard men complain about accelerated ear hair growth in their late 20's, early 30's..... so I saw this picture and wondered exactly how old this squirrel must be.....
really old for a squirrel I'm sure.

My Happy Place......

Mom & Pokey...... Round House is calling our names.
Maybe next year?

The grass is always greener......

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other night….. talking about the differences in small town life vs. big city living. I often think about where I come from and I miss it… I miss the familiarity, the comfort in always knowing someone, the consistencies in daily life and your surroundings…. They somehow can stamp out loneliness, having nothing to do with anyone else. Almost as if the town itself is a companion of sorts, a good old friend that you can count on. The city isn’t like that. You can have dinner at your favorite restaurant, and go back 5 days later and it’s gone and has become a Baby Gap or a Starbucks. You can walk the same streets and frequent the same stores and never see the same face twice. The buildings change, the businesses change, the landscape changes…. Its moving faster than anyone or anything in it, and it won’t stop of slow down for any reason. If you can’t keep up, or at least survive it, it will eat you alive.

My friend mentioned how great it must be to meet new people every day, and have your pick of anyone to date….. all the while he’s talking and I’m thinking to myself… “I have never felt so lonely in my entire life as I have living in this city of 3 million people”. I have never had a harder time making friends, dating, building professional relationships….. people in a city are just different…..or maybe it’s me that’s just different. I have wondered about it for almost 7 years now, I can’t figure out what it is. Although I love this city, I certainly was not born to live in it without digging deep down to find the emotional fortitude to weather loneliness. I’ve had to completely re-evaluate companionship, and exactly how much personal interaction I need to feel healthy and sane and part of this planet. I don’t succeed in that too often, and the alien in me takes over and I feel a million miles from anyone that knows or loves me. And when that happens….. I venture out into the concrete and steel and take in the character of this city that makes my heart pound in my chest. So I guess in writing this…. I realize that Chicago has saved me from time to time. It has become my friend, and kept me from running to familiar places, and made me whole on the days I feel so empty it’s difficult to breathe. And the best part of that relationship is the city can’t leave me….I get to be in that relationship until I am good and ready to move on…...

with that thought.... I leave you to your Thursday.....
thanks for visiting.

-Cyn