Merry Christmas & Happy New Year !!

Love,
Cyndi & John
and Gracie & Vegas

My Advice........

If you haven't seen the musical Wicked yet, go see it. It is the most impressive in all aspects live performance I have been fortunate enough to see. When you see things like that, that give you goose bumps and effect you down to your guts... you are changed, and you become better.... even if you don't think you are a "theater" person.... you will be once you see this.

Thanks Dad and Jean, for allowing me the remarkable experience, I wouldn't have seen without you. And thank you John, for being who you are and showing it. Sitting next to you made something I didn't think could get any better, be just that.

As my childhood heroes (both Dad and Kermit) used to say..... "it ain't easy being green....."

What a wonderful weekend........

Love,
Cyn

Feeling the "Burn"

We all know what "the burn" is related to working out..... Jane Fonda made the term famous back in her work-out video explosion. "Feel the burn!" she would yell, as if it were a good thing. Well I'm sorry, but its NOT a good thing. Anyone who says it is, is just a big soon-to-be-not-fat liar. It hurts.... and badly... and it lasts for days.... and you can't do anything about it... no hot tub, or sports aspirin cream, or icy-hot B.S. will help you....nothing but wallowing in your own incapable, rubbery muscle misery will make you feel any better.

By now you may have guessed that we joined a gym. I'm on the road.... the road to something but I haven't yet decided if it will be a great experience or a miserable one. Sure, in theory its supposed to be great, and healthy, and everyone gives you that thumbs up and the shout-out of "live strong" Lance style..... but its really so much different than when you are 17.

The whole reason I started this, other than the attempt to just be healthier, is I am finally starting to feel my age. Now I do consider myself lucky in some respect..... I have not worked out in about 15 years, and I really do eat what I want whenever I want, and at any amount, and I have been fortunate enough thus far that it really didn't effect me that much. Since my very early 20's I've been 10 - 20 lbs overweight most of the time, but it seemed to hang out well on my frame, so I never really felt that badly about it.

Then the irony..... I turned 33 and I got married that same month...... and wouldn't you know my damn metabolism got married and believed that load of crap that all women just let themselves go when they get married, and I gained about 25 pounds in like 6 months. I have no idea how, I didn't consume more food, if anything my husband barely eats so I have cut back. I don't drink hardly at all anymore, versus just about every day for about a year (sorry, but I'm just being honest) before we met ..... I guess the only thing I can really see is drastically different is the walking versus driving everywhere. I moved to the south side and I literally NEVER walk but from the car to the door. On the north side, I walked a lot and just for the sake of walking, but our new 'hood isn't really compatible with that sort of thing. So that's the only difference!

As the months have gone by... I remember my Dad warning me about the evil closet gnome, and realized he had visited my closet and replaced all my seasonal clothing with exact replicas only a size or two smaller than the originals! Just like he had done to my Dad once before! Nothing really fit me.... I could put it on, but it wasn't comfortable... then it got to I can't even zip these jeans.... then the final straw.... I had to go BUY a pair of jeans. Now mind you, I went to the second hand store and got ONE PAIR for $5 because there is NO WAY I am going to need them for long. I have 15 pairs of jeans, and I am NOT buying anymore!

The other thing I've learned is I am much more self conscious than I realized. I am certainly not a girly-girl, in the sense that I dress fairly plainly, or masculine. I am not a very feminie girl, but I have my style that I am comfortable with and it works for me. But in realizing I am starting to be unattractive, no matter what I wear, that hit me.... and it made me feel so bad for my husband. He married a person with a completely different structure than the one that is currently coming home to him at night. I realize as you age that just happens, people's bodies change with age and its just the way life is. That's why you no longer see a super-model over the age of 22, because they get the bodies of an adult female and are no longer considered attractive. BUT.... it certainly should not happen in 6 months of aging... at this rate I will weigh 2,175 after 50 years of marriage. Poor John!

So to the gym it is...... and I am feeling the burn..... and I don't like it. But I like watching my husband laugh at my beet-red face, and trying to play raquet ball with him having no idea how, and seeing him stifle a giggle when I try to curl 20 lbs and almost can't..... and knowing that we are working towards something together, that we will both be happy with. Even though he is trying to GAIN weight, and I need to lose, its still going to be fun. So far, my favorite part is stopping at Little Caesars on the way home.... Pizza, Pizza!

Having said that, I am picking up the veggies and putting down the pizza, and fashioning an effigy of our trainer Matt.... nobody tells me I have that much body fat right to my face and gets away with it!!!

Happy Lunges to all!

Love,
Cyn

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!

I am thankful for.......

my husband

my new nephew

my families, everyone be it through blood, friendship, and marriage... I am so fortunate to have so many wonderful people in my life

watching my Dad be a Grandpa, and get so much joy from it

my cat, even though she is mean and nasty and no one on the planet can stand her but me

my new dog... there is nothing like the unconditional love of a dog

having a job and a warm, cozy place to sleep everynight

giant TVs and tiny ipods

4 wheel drive

my wedding photos

really good coffee

new shoes

lots of pillows

ron of japan

just to name a few....... I am thankful for my life... its wonderful.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Love,
Cyn

New dog..... New Nephew......

So... the dog is doing just fine. Everyone is adjusting and healthy and loving life. I left her out in the apartment for the first time today, not in the crate.... so I'm a little anxious to get home and see what she was doing all day. Grace probably won't get much rest.

And..... Bek is in labor as I write this. So, by this evening I will be an Aunt for the first time in my life. I am not sure what his name is going to be yet, she doesn't know. I suppose my dog had a few names before we settled on one, so maybe kids are the same way? I thought you had to sort that out pretty quickly for the birth certificate and all.... but maybe not until you leave the hospital. Big responsibility... naming a person. we had a hard time with the dog..... can't imagine a person!

So, that's the news today. Hope everyone is doing well.
Love,
Cyn

Pup is home.....

The puppy came home last night, and is just fine. She has a new name.... Vegas. Blue wasn't working, sounds like too many other words, and Nevada is too long.... so Vegas it is, fits her better.

Definitely was sick from the minute we brought her home. The energy level is 300% better and she enjoys chasing the cat and jumping on everything..... whereas before she barely moved. Grace is holding her own, as she would against even a Tyrannosaurs Rex.... although a bit annoyed at the "new" puppy that strangely looks just like the one that was here last week. Keeps that fat thing on her toes, and I think she secretly likes it.... something to stave off the boredom of confined apartment life since its too cold to sit on the porch now.

All is well, the family is back together and I think all of us are really, really happy to be so.
Hope all is well with all of you and your families.
Much love,
Cyn

Pup Update:

We had to leave her at the hospital on Saturday, after not really eating or drinking for two days. She is still there but we are supposed to get an update, and hopefully pick her up, tomorrow! Funny how she was only in our house for 6 days and I miss her like crazy already. I don't understand how anyone can live with out a furry family member. They sure do improve the quality of your life, no matter what else is going on.

Keep you posted.... have good thoughts for the little one.
-Cyn

By naming this page " A life with Grace" its obvious I assumed it would always just be me and Gracie. Thankfully my family has grown, and I am so very grateful for my wonderful husband. And now, meet the latest addition to our family. Even Miss Grace is.... is ....... I'm not sure what the word is. I wouldn't say fond quite yet, but unphased is a start.... and a very good start when it comes to Grace.

Her name is Vegas...... finally.

A Really Good Wednesday.......

First it was Cows on Michigan Avenue,

then it was chairs and sofas.....

now we are on to Globes in the Park.

It was a really, really good Wednesday.

A really good Sunday............

I can't keep up.... just when I think "oh, I'll have plenty of time to keep the page going...." something occurs and my professional life is strewn into upheaval. So, needless to say. I'll try, soon.

Happy Memorial day to everyone. Hug a veteran!
-Cyn

Life takes significant turns......

some you are ready for, some you're not.

Having someone to navigate those turns with you......

knowing they will be there no matter how badly you struggle, how deeply lost you may get.......

It is the most empowering gift life
can give.

Happy Valentine's Day !

It's been a few weeks.... and life is changing so fast.

I have a permanent smile on my face, even when the rest of the world seems to be caving in around me at work..... they close down Lake Shore due to snow...... someone calls me an idiot on the phone because they don't read anything mailed to them....... but its all just a minor detail because what really matters is going to marry me next month! The snow storm hit just in time...... as my friends are pointing out..... "Hell hath frozen over.... Cyndi's getting married!!"

They say the top 3 causes of stress are:
1. Starting a new job (did that on January 6th)
2. Moving (moving day is March 3rd)
3. Getting married/planning wedding (planning since Feb. 6..... the big day is March 22 in Las Vegas)

John is kind of a genius..... he saw #1 and #2 coming....and thought to himself " I have to live with this woman through this all at once?" so he got all clever and decided to throw in #3 just to give me a happy distraction. And all I can say is nice job honey.... its totally working.

I'm so happy I feel like a dork. No one should be this excited about something..... I'm a girl, and a cornball, and if it wasn't for Christie I would have a big poofy gown with a 12 foot veil and a tiara on my head. Its hard to say no to those ladies.... they play on your excitement and suddenly become experts on what your future husband would want you to wear without having ever met him. Its freaky, they have mad jedi-mind-trick skills. So, thank you Christie..... it could have been ugly.

And thank to everyone who has called, and thank you Muncie & Mr. Frank for the card.... it means so much to have the support of the people I love. And to go to Las Vegas with 6 weeks notice..... you are all amazing and I can never explain how much it means to me that most of you will be there with us.

Now.......back to the thankless job that makes me want to throw myself into the harbor and chip a hole through the ice just for 5 minutes of salvation.... but I don't because I know John and Gracie are at home making a mess.... and the best feeling in the world is going home to their mess.

Happy Valentine's day,
-Cyn

" A true friend stabs you in the front..." - Oscar Wilde

At what point do you just give up on personal relationships altogether? I know a few people who have..... they just float along without any emotional attachments whatsoever. Anyone they claim to "know" or that is a "friend" is simply an acquaintance..... but the couldn't tell you the first thing about that person other than what they drink, or where they go to brunch.

I'm teetering on the edge lately.... wondering if friendships are really worth it. Do they ever last? How do you know if its of any substance or not? How can you trust someone? I have met a hundred people in my adult life that I thought either were or would certainly end up to be my friends, and none of them worked out the way I thought it would.

The very nature of people, and maybe this is city people, but they have this blind self-serving reaction to everything. Nothing is done without payback or the intent to owe. No one is who they claim to be. Friendships in the city are almost entirely circumstantial, and very few have any staying power, or are relevant once you have to hop a train or bus, or drive for 30 minutes to see someone.

Its like convenience is the deciding factor. I'm sorry, I don't care if you live across the hall..... friendship IS inconvenient. That's what no one seems to get. Its hard work being someone's friend. In spite of my recent experiences, we are not in high school anymore..... then it was easy, you were all forced all day long into the same building and into the same activities after school, dictating who your friends were for the most part. Now..... unless your roommate is your buddy..... its work to spend time with anything but your cat and coworkers. Leading to another odd city creature.... the "work friend" . Take the two out of the work environment and they not only have nothing to say to one another, but don't even really care for each other's personality. Its fascinating when you realize what really can bond two people who have no reason to have a bond in the first place. Its almost always anger, hatred, prejudice, jealousy....something along those lines....

so... I sit here today and wonder what it is I've exactly done to the world to make almost everyone I encounter all day so full of bitterness and misunderstanding towards me. I guess I have to concede at this point it HAS to be me.... everyone I know can't be wrong about me.... I must have done something, or my personality is somehow just off.... and I will spend the rest of my life a pretty lonely person. I thought I had come to terms with that before, then something seems to get a little better for a while.... then I slip back down... and find myself if the same damn spot. And I'm sick of that spot. I'm tired of being sick to my stomach and planning the next stage of my life in another state with all new people... I'm in a constant state of readiness and impending departure that I don't even know why I have any possessions anymore. Its not what I want, but I sure as hell don't want to feel like this all the time.

Maybe I'm just frustrated, and tired of getting caught so off guard by people I thought I knew and trusted that I'm sick of even thinking about it. I realized today that I have about 5 real friends, and one is a cat and one is my mother. And the irony of the others is that they have no idea how significantly their relationship and interactions with me effect my every day life and moods. But again, maybe its just too much work for them to be what I need them to be..... so who is the bad guy.... I'd have to say me for impossible expectations.

I don't even know how to close this rant..... it probably isn't worthy of any sort of structure or evocative ending of any sort. so I'll just stop.

-Cyn

The Flashback I could have done without......

I used to like high school.... I kind of liked middle school too for that matter. The problem is, I liked it then, but not now..... I'm over it now.... so what do I do now that I find myself surrounded by people who are behaving as though we just started 9th grade.

I am 32 years old and I have never encountered the level of immaturity I did today at my place of employment. That might be ok if I was an 8th grade teacher, or a 4th grade teacher, or a juvenile detention center warden.... but not like this, not in a professional office setting.. and yet it happened. And to tell you the truth, it angered me beyond belief. My heart began to pound and my face turned all red and my mouth went dry and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming back or crying.... all these reactions of course now making me question my own maturity and personal growth and whether or not there has been any over the past 16 years or so..... What drives adults to behave like that? Is it just that that is how we all instinctually are, and as you "grow up" (and I use that term loosely all throughout this essay) so as you grow up you are just taught to adjust your behaviors, its the same as not picking your nose or burping loudly in public.... is it just along the lines of what is learned that as an adult you just don' t do when you could get away with it as a child?

So that brings me even deeper.... what scenario then allows for a person to still be acting that way? Have they ever had any other job? (and in this case I know the answer to be no), have they every had an adult relationship be it a new friendship or a romantic relationship? Do they still live with their parents? And more curious to me is what is the motivator? Is it just more fun to be a malicious brat? I guess it could be, its sometimes hard work to be kind, it certainly takes more will power and intelligence.... so maybe I should pity this person, and feel badly that they are simply too "simple" to behave any other way? I guess I could if it wasn't so evident the joy it was bringing them. That's the kick in the teeth. How a person can actually feel joy in trying as hard as they can to make another suffer. Its almost shocking to me, and it does so every single time I encounter something like that, even in children it stuns me.

I am so grateful to have a true friend at work.... a very intelligent, level headed person who has saved me more than once. And today as I recounted the story and both our mouths were hanging open by the time I was done....and the thoughts only revolving to the ever popular "oh.... snap!" comment..... she looked at me and said "rise above it, you're better than that and you know it". So why do I still want to cry 2 hours later and grab this person by the hair and pull it out by its different colored roots? It may take me a while to figure that out.... but I will. When things like this happen to me, I tend to get oddly excited about what I am about to learn about myself. Not many people go that route, they think they are learning about others, but you never really can do that, the other person is always in control of your perceptions even if neither one of you realizes it..... so I like to go with myself, and see what I can figure out......

and today... I figured out that I am glad I'm no longer in high school, I have more patience than I ever thought possible..... Christie rocks (already knew that though.....) and watching someone burn a bridge, especially one the size of the Mackinac (oh, the irony in that statement).... is painful no matter how you feel about them.

In closing, as as I secretly vent to the select few who read this..... I feel better..... and will clobber her very intent to upset me and sabotage what will still be a great promotion. Jealous woman are frightening creatures, and after today it makes me very glad I don't have to date one.

Love to all of you, and happy weekend.
-Cyn

Impossible expectations.............

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.

If you have Love, you don't need to have anything else, and if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you do have. True love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. Trouble is part of your life, and flaws a part of your character; if you don't share and show it all, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough.