The Flashback I could have done without......

I used to like high school.... I kind of liked middle school too for that matter. The problem is, I liked it then, but not now..... I'm over it now.... so what do I do now that I find myself surrounded by people who are behaving as though we just started 9th grade.

I am 32 years old and I have never encountered the level of immaturity I did today at my place of employment. That might be ok if I was an 8th grade teacher, or a 4th grade teacher, or a juvenile detention center warden.... but not like this, not in a professional office setting.. and yet it happened. And to tell you the truth, it angered me beyond belief. My heart began to pound and my face turned all red and my mouth went dry and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from screaming back or crying.... all these reactions of course now making me question my own maturity and personal growth and whether or not there has been any over the past 16 years or so..... What drives adults to behave like that? Is it just that that is how we all instinctually are, and as you "grow up" (and I use that term loosely all throughout this essay) so as you grow up you are just taught to adjust your behaviors, its the same as not picking your nose or burping loudly in public.... is it just along the lines of what is learned that as an adult you just don' t do when you could get away with it as a child?

So that brings me even deeper.... what scenario then allows for a person to still be acting that way? Have they ever had any other job? (and in this case I know the answer to be no), have they every had an adult relationship be it a new friendship or a romantic relationship? Do they still live with their parents? And more curious to me is what is the motivator? Is it just more fun to be a malicious brat? I guess it could be, its sometimes hard work to be kind, it certainly takes more will power and intelligence.... so maybe I should pity this person, and feel badly that they are simply too "simple" to behave any other way? I guess I could if it wasn't so evident the joy it was bringing them. That's the kick in the teeth. How a person can actually feel joy in trying as hard as they can to make another suffer. Its almost shocking to me, and it does so every single time I encounter something like that, even in children it stuns me.

I am so grateful to have a true friend at work.... a very intelligent, level headed person who has saved me more than once. And today as I recounted the story and both our mouths were hanging open by the time I was done....and the thoughts only revolving to the ever popular "oh.... snap!" comment..... she looked at me and said "rise above it, you're better than that and you know it". So why do I still want to cry 2 hours later and grab this person by the hair and pull it out by its different colored roots? It may take me a while to figure that out.... but I will. When things like this happen to me, I tend to get oddly excited about what I am about to learn about myself. Not many people go that route, they think they are learning about others, but you never really can do that, the other person is always in control of your perceptions even if neither one of you realizes it..... so I like to go with myself, and see what I can figure out......

and today... I figured out that I am glad I'm no longer in high school, I have more patience than I ever thought possible..... Christie rocks (already knew that though.....) and watching someone burn a bridge, especially one the size of the Mackinac (oh, the irony in that statement).... is painful no matter how you feel about them.

In closing, as as I secretly vent to the select few who read this..... I feel better..... and will clobber her very intent to upset me and sabotage what will still be a great promotion. Jealous woman are frightening creatures, and after today it makes me very glad I don't have to date one.

Love to all of you, and happy weekend.
-Cyn