Life in Fast Forward......

What is the natural pace to life…. is there one? should there be one? How do you pace yourself? And if you do try, do you end up just pacing? Back and forth… like a caged animal that knows its existence is wrong, that there should be something more but you just can’t get to it, or won’t get to it. I sometimes wonder about the simple inertia of a life, and how it actually is a living breathing thing all on its own. How much do we control, and how much do we just roll with it, and let the events and people surrounding us influence our direction. Behind every action, every choice, every forward progression there has to be a motivator, an intent that comes from within you. Otherwise…. Life is just happening to you, and you’re not really living it. I suppose that’s ok for some people, its effortless and requires very little foresight, and eliminates regret and accountability. But then again, whose life are you living…. yours or the shadow of someone else’s?

It’s a catch 22 to live life in fast forward. It’s the road I’ve always seemed to take. It can be so terrifying, enlightening, exhilarating, and confusing….. but in a beautiful way. Sometime you get smacked down… and really hard. So hard it takes your breath away and you wonder if you’re going to make it….. but you always will. And the times you don’t get beat there is a sense of victory that can’t be duplicated. The knowledge that you made it against all odds and logic and rational thought… and you succeeded anyway, simply because you took a shot. That is success like no other, when you come out on top when the rest of the world tried to discourage and stop you. Its finding an invincibility of your soul that makes the leaps possible. Sure your heart gets broken, and disappointments abound, but when it works….. you breathe deeper and see clearer and feel invigorated… and that’s what life is….a string of emotions and memories that will carry you through your days waiting to see what the next moment might bring to you. The only thing I can think of that would be worse than bad memories, is no memories at all…..

And so with no one to talk to right now and have one of those "state of the union, what does it all mean" type conversations.... that's just what I was thinking about tonight. I have a friend that tells me "when you talk to your blog more than you talk to anyone else... its time to get off the porch". But tonight.... its the porch for me.

Love to all of you,
Cyn